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Valentine's Day letter to my daughters for a long and happy marriage

For a happy marriage, the real meaning of Valentine's Day is not a date on the calendar, nor a piece of jewelry, nor a bunch of roses.

Your father almost never remembers Valentine’s Day. If he does, he forgets to get me a present. But I never mind because the love he gives me every day of the year, for nearly forty years, is far more important.

For us, every day is Valentine's Day.

Want to know the secret to our long and happy marriage? Three things:

That doesn’t necessarily mean the wealthiest, nor most successful, nor most handsome, nor wittiest, nor even the most romantic. The most important thing is to find someone who adores you, is good to you, and brings out the very best in you. I don’t mean someone who nags you to get ahead, but a man who makes you want to be a better person.

No matter how long it takes to find him, don’t give up. Don’t settle for someone you have doubts about, or someone you want to change. The right man is out there somewhere. When you find him, don’t be afraid to make changes to the life you’d mapped out for yourself.

VALENTINE'S DAY QUIZ! HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW THESE FACTS ABOUT THE ANNUAL DAY OF LOVE?

Things should no longer be your problems or his problems, but your problems together. No shame, no blame. You face things as a couple. You will have lots of ups and downs over the years – with jobs, children, health, relatives, friends, finances. But if you work together to deal with them, they can actually draw you closer, not drive you apart.

Careers are important, professional success matters. But the thing that matters most is your family. It’s difficult to strike the right balance between family and career in your early and middle years, especially for women. Despite what everyone says about men assuming a larger role in child-rearing and home life than they did in my generation, the bulk of the load still falls on the wife and mother. That’s not anti-feminist, it is just the way things are.

The time and effort you invest in raising your children will give them the tools they need to navigate their own lives. But it will also repay you and your husband a hundredfold. The Bible wisely says the greatest blessing is to know your children’s children.

Your father and I are in our sunset years now. The greatest joy we have is our children and grandchildren. There is nothing that beats being matriarch and patriarch, presiding over a large, boisterous family that actually enjoys spending time together.

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Every morning and night and a dozen times in between, your father tells me he loves me. I used to think it was silly! Of course I knew he loved me; he didn’t have to keep repeating himself.

I’ve come to appreciate just how important that constant affirmation is; it seeps into your very being. No matter what trials and tribulations life has in store for you, you are secure in the knowledge that one very good person loves you unconditionally.

That is the real meaning of Valentine’s Day – it’s not a date on the calendar, a piece of jewelry, or a bunch of roses. It’s love.

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